… We aren’t finding out. It’s not that I’m disinterested, quite the opposite. This pregnancy is just so different from the first. Mostly because there are so few “firsts” that nothing is really coming as a surprise or has that thrilling newness about it. Except the fact that we don’t know the baby’s gender.

Joey tried to get me to hold the secret the first time I was pregnant, with Audrey. Of course I couldn’t do it; I had to mentally prepare and plan and “nest”, buying all the things that Audrey would need upon entering into the world. Of course, half of those things she didn’t really need, and the other half we used for the briefest of times before they were relegated to a large closet in our garage now solely used for baby gear storage.

So, this time around I’m opting out. I am not buying anything, not preparing a nursery, and have forbidden any showers. I realize some of you may read this and think I’m being neglectful of our dear Numero Dos (as he/she is affectionately called), before he/she is even in this world and struggling to live up to his/her older sibling, whose arrival was anticipated with much fanfare. I have had moments of guilt about it. But then I realize, in my own experience anyway, most of those preparations and celebrations had more to do with me than they did Audrey. The showers that yielded a mountain of gifts and more puff-paint styled bibs than any child could ever need; the newly renovated nursery with its hand-painted mural of bluebirds and wildflowers; the pages-thick baby book that chronicled it all, including weekly photos of my growing belly and all the ultrasound pics we got along the way.

In retrospect, all these things celebrated my rite of passage into motherhood more than they did the welcoming of Audrey into the world. So, I don’t feel as bad this time around leaving all that out. This time around, I know that the baby will be virtually attached to me for the first several months – hence, no need to plan a nursery. I know that I’ll need – and want – to create a baby book, but that it’s probably more appropriate for it to include photos of the baby by  itself rather than with its mother in utero. If baby is colicky (dear God, please no!), he/she will need its own room. If baby is a girl, and not colicky, she will most likely bunk up with Audrey. We have time to figure it all out. And as for the stuff (dear God, the endless stuff!), he/she will use all of Audrey’s.

This time around things are simpler. Less about me. Less of a monumental adjustment than it was the first time. And I honestly kinda prefer it. Except for the part about the thrilling newness – I miss that – which brings me back to why we’ve decided not to find out the sex. This is the one aspect of this experience that keeps it unique and new, and something we’ve only ever done with Numero Dos. And most important of all is that we don’t have a preference one way or the other, so instead of endless preparations, it seems all there is to do is wait with hope and excitement for the big day of his or her arrival!